Dear Mom and Dad,
Congratulations on 50 years of marriage! What an amazing milestone. I would have to live to 79 years old to achieve that goal. As your son, you know I have seen you at some of your best and worst moments. In other words, there is no need to sugarcoat these comments because we know the truth. The truth is that real love is a commitment to each other; faithful friendship of service to each other over time. As Jesus says in John, “Love is the willingness to lay your life down for one another.” And there is no doubt in my mind that you have demonstrated this over the past 50 years.
I have seen you encourage each other, serve each other, listen to each other, and sacrifice for each other. I saw you taking care of each other when you were sick. I saw Dad carry Mom’s luggage, fill her car with gas, drive her and us on trips, fix up the house, manage our budget, and accompany Mom to activities that interested her (like spiritual discussions). I watched Mom fix hundreds of Dad’s meals, care for the cleanliness of the house, model healthy living and eating, spur thoughtful gift-giving and on-time birthday cards, and clean much laundry.
I watched Dad comfort Mom over her mother’s death in 1984 and her father’s death in 1996. I saw Mom do the same for Dad over his mother’s death in 2001 and his father’s death just a few years ago. I watched Dad give Mom flowers and a heartfelt card and Mom find Dad special treats and special cards for your anniversary. I saw you go out on dates and nurture your marriage while we were growing up. I observed you enjoy each other’s company at socials with church and other friends.
I caught you giving each other a hug after a tense argument. I watched you help each other drive more carefully (in not always the kindest tones though). I found you both going on walks together and working in the yard together. I noticed your interests expand over time and yet you choosing to spend time with each other in your favored activities (e.g. bridge, golf, birding, lectures, church service, etc.)
I enjoyed your teamwork in leading family trips and I envied your trips to other nations and states after Laura and I left home. I recognized the balancing of your gifts in navigating, learning, appreciating, and experiencing all that you came in to contact with on your adventures.
I was thankful when you worked together on helping pay for my and Laura’s college and provided us with periodic financial gifts over the years. I won’t forget you both attending the events and activities Laura and I were involved in growing up, particularly swim team, but also the many other sports we played growing up (soccer, basketball, baseball, gymnastics, ballet, tap, running, cheerleading, etc.)
I was thankful when I saw you rekindle your devotion to each other once Laura and I left home for our lives on our own. I learned from your willingness to re-engage in your marriage without kids and re-kindle friendships or build new friendships based on shared interests.
I love to hear you each try to continue to change and help each other. I have noticed you each becoming more open to feedback over time and this has been good. I have seen you develop an enhanced respect for each other’s gifts that bears itself out through your love for each other.
I have valued your ability to balance leadership of the family as Dad has stepped up when his strengths are most needed (logistics, learning) and Mom finds her place when her abilities are needed (emotional wisdom, safety). I use this balancing in my marriage when Kim clearly is better suited for demonstrating the compassion and grace I often lack.
As Paul teaches us in his letter to the Corinthians, “Love is patient (even when Dad is being stubborn), love is kind (when Mom is going through another round of chemo). It does not envy (when Dad brings home golf winnings), it does not boast (when Mom teaches students how to write better and locate information), it is not proud (when Dad wins at another night of bridge). It does not dishonor others (when Mom forgives hurtful things others say to her), it is not self-seeking (when Dad promotes the Democratic Party), it is not easily angered (when Mom can’t stop Dad from arguing), it keeps no record of wrongs (when Dad get Mom to stop worrying). Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects (even in sickness), always trusts (even in absence from each other), always hopes (for change in each other and yourselves), always perseveres (through 50 years of commitment).
Love never fails.” And neither did you. Thank you.
Jeff
Deep Thoughts on Higher Ed 